Love languages

My mentor, Gary, recommended The Five Love Languages (www.fivelovelanguages.com) to us to read together. For those who have read any of the series understands how powerful the concepts discussed in the book are.

Through the reading, we discovered our primary love languages, which to no surprise, were different from eachother's.....and to no surprise to Melvin, I'm sure, that I have "a few" love languages by which I communicate ; ) During that discovery, I learned so much about Melvin and about myself. It truly opened me up to enjoy and appreciate the differences in our languages. I highly recommend this book to everyone, whether or not you are in a relationship which leads to my purpose for writing this post.

This weekend, it seemed like I was constantly struggling against the devil. On the way to the airport to pick up Leslie (my little sister) who is home from college for spring break, I found myself irritated with my mom because she continuously called me to remind me to pick up Leslie, to remind me to bring the garage door opener to Mom's since no one was going to be home, to confirm that I was going to hang out with Leslie, etc etc.....all which were pretty elementary in my mind. That's when Melvin reminded me that's how she shows love is by nurturing us. Not too long after, I found myself agitated with Leslie! About how she didn't follow up with me on something that we've been working on together for awhile which came off to me as inconsiderate and ungrateful. Then on the following day, it moved on to my brother, Marc, because he flaked on a family lunch that we have planned for a week. I was mostly upset because of how much Mom and Leslie were looking forward to it and how disappointed they both were when he stood us up. Admittingly, I was disappointed, too.

All three situations were obviously the devil trying to establish a foothold, but as you you can tell which was not so obvious to me at the time, was miscommunication/making assumptions. Then I thought about how the concept of love languages applies to all relationships and not just to marriages. For example (and this is completely hypothetical), it could be that my love language is Quality Time where Marc's is Words of Affirmation. In this situation, he didn't necessarily think that skipping out on lunch would be such a huge deal, but as someone who values quality time, it is very upsetting. And then I thought of some very sweet things that he has done for me like when I sent my new job announcement out a month ago, he was one of the very first to respond with a very thoughtful note that totally made my day. I also thought back to one of the birthday cards that he wrote to me, which was accompanied by a Sister book that I adore.

Another compelling example is the difference between me and my mom. If I had to guess, my mom's love language is Receiving Gifts. Actually, I think her way to communicate is through giving gifts, but in terms of receiving communication, I'm unsure. Anyway, my primary love language is Quality Time. So when the family gets together, she is usually in the kitchen, making some to "give" us while I'm wanting to spend time together. Even when I go into the kitchen to spend time with her, she shoos me to the living room to spend time with the siblings (she loves to see us kids having a good time). Without the love languages concept, I would be left to feeling unloved and unsatisfied.

Hurt feelings can destroy relationships but understanding, patience, and the Lord can heal them. My thoughts concluded with 1 Corinthians 13. I've bolded my favorite parts.

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.