MercyMe - even better LIVE

So last Wednesday night, Melvin and I celebrated our 3-year anniversary with MercyMe (our favorite band EVER!). We purchased these tickets about 3 months prior and had no idea how healing it would be for us at that moment. God's plan is divine! Anyway, Bart shared some of his experiences and they weren't the warm and fuzzy stuff, but you know, the stuff that hits home. They sang Bring the Rain, one of our all-time favorites, and I felt the Holy Spirit embrace me. He was right there holding my hand enjoying the glory! This was by no means a concert, but a time of worship!

Here's a pic of us with Tenth Avenue North playing in the background. We didn't dare bother someone to take a picture of us while David Crowder or MercyMe was performing! LOL


David Crowder with his keytar. You gotta love him.


Bart of MercyMe. Even though we don't know him personally, he is very special to us. And he sounds even better live, even with pneumonia!

Grieving and healing

I understand that everyone grieves differently and I know finding the words to comfort someone who has experienced a miscarriage can be difficult. As my brother so honestly and refreshingly put it, "I don't know what to say." Sometimes that's the best thing to say rather than hastily saying something for the sake of saying something, because that could result in a horribly insensitive and hurtful comment despite the best intentions.

Statements like "At least now you know you can get pregnant" or "Your baby's in a better place or is better off" are extremely upsetting to me. I believe life begins at conception and even though there was no child physically born, we still had a baby who had a spirit. Would you tell someone who just lost their child that it's okay since they have another child or could easily have another? I also don't want to forget about our baby or act as if our baby never existed so please don't avoid the topic by talking about senseless and random things out of desperation. If you still don't know what to say or do, pray for us and let us know that you are praying for us. You may not grieve with us because you personally didn't feel a loss, but if you do grieve, please let us know and perhaps let us know more than once. Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. We also appreciate acts of service as we are very tired physically and emotionally. Finally, call me. I most likely won't answer because the truth is, most of the time, I don't want to talk but it doesn't mean that I don't want to hear what you have to say. So leave a message or send me a note. If I want to talk, I'll pick up, call you back, or reply to your note.

A website perfectly described how I feel, "Christian friends and family, you are missing a tremendous opportunity to minister to your loved one. I understand that you do not know what to say or do, but your silence hurts so much. Your kind and loving words are needed at this time. Words hold so much power. A hurtful word is long remembered. Please wrap your arms around me. Tell me that you are sorry and that you are here for me if I want to talk. Don't try to fix things or give advice. Just be ready to listen. I will need to tell my story over and over again. Please listen and listen some more. Please ask about my husband because he is hurting too. He just hides his grief or shows it in other ways."

Our dear friend wrote, "You two are very precious to me. There is a very special bond with you like we've been family for a long time. It's like you're my peers and at the same time I feel fatherly toward you both. My heart hurts for you both and I already have felt a love for your precious one and feel a loss. I know God loves you guys and has great plans for your life. I will be praying for you guys, for your hearts, for your future. I consider it a great privilege to have shared in your joy and now your sorrow for that is what true family is for."

This has meant so much to me because he shared our loss and he expressed it to us. I will never forget the love and compassion he showed to us. This was a pivotal moment in our healing.

Our little gift from God

On Monday, July 7 (also Melvin's birthday), we received the most precious news - we're pregnant! I remembered our doctor saying, "Congratulations," and then not much else after that as my mind already begun planning how I would share this exciting news with Melvin. I decided to pick up an infant outfit that said something like "Loved by Daddy." That evening, we celebrated Melvin's birthday at Napa Rose, where I gave him his gift. We were both so overjoyed, we cried then rushed home to read What To Expect When You're Expecting and look through baby names. God gave us a precious gift and made this "first" experience for us so very precious.

Two days later we were told that my HCG (pregnancy hormone) level had decreased. This either meant that we miscarried or that we had twins and one miscarried. It was a long week until Saturday, when we learned we had officially miscarried. That day was extremely difficult for us. I wrestled with God about the why's and the what if's and it seemed like I cried all day long. He was quiet though and in retrospect, I think He was allowing me to grieve. Little did I know that He had Sunday all planned out for us. The message was impeccable. It was 2 Corinthians 1:1-11, Comfort in Affliction. After service, Pastor Rob and Karen prayed over us and ministered to us. They are so very special to us. Then we had some time with our dear friend Pete, who showered us with his fatherly love. Later that night we had friends over for dinner where we spent the night fellowshipping and sharing testimonies. The night ended with a touching email from Pete (really, from God) that comforted us and reminded us how much we are blessed. Sunday was a glorious day of healing. God is so great.

As I've shared with others, we are rejoicing and resting in God's promises. He is so good and has taken great care of us during this time. He has used this experience to strengthen our marriage and bring us closer to Him. I am sure that He will also provide us with an opportunity to minister to others who have experienced a similar loss. Although our baby's passing was the saddest moment of our life, his/her life was THE MOST joyful moment with the BEST ending ... he/she is in heaven with our Father who loves him/her even more than we do. God also faithfully blessed us with a special memory. Our baby loved Japanese food, especially nori (plain, seasoned, and paste) as well as noodles and sembei. We are excited to meet him/her in heaven soon. Until then, these words bring much comfort to us:

My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed,
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Psalm 139:13-16.

and

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5

Amen.