Grieving and healing

I understand that everyone grieves differently and I know finding the words to comfort someone who has experienced a miscarriage can be difficult. As my brother so honestly and refreshingly put it, "I don't know what to say." Sometimes that's the best thing to say rather than hastily saying something for the sake of saying something, because that could result in a horribly insensitive and hurtful comment despite the best intentions.

Statements like "At least now you know you can get pregnant" or "Your baby's in a better place or is better off" are extremely upsetting to me. I believe life begins at conception and even though there was no child physically born, we still had a baby who had a spirit. Would you tell someone who just lost their child that it's okay since they have another child or could easily have another? I also don't want to forget about our baby or act as if our baby never existed so please don't avoid the topic by talking about senseless and random things out of desperation. If you still don't know what to say or do, pray for us and let us know that you are praying for us. You may not grieve with us because you personally didn't feel a loss, but if you do grieve, please let us know and perhaps let us know more than once. Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. We also appreciate acts of service as we are very tired physically and emotionally. Finally, call me. I most likely won't answer because the truth is, most of the time, I don't want to talk but it doesn't mean that I don't want to hear what you have to say. So leave a message or send me a note. If I want to talk, I'll pick up, call you back, or reply to your note.

A website perfectly described how I feel, "Christian friends and family, you are missing a tremendous opportunity to minister to your loved one. I understand that you do not know what to say or do, but your silence hurts so much. Your kind and loving words are needed at this time. Words hold so much power. A hurtful word is long remembered. Please wrap your arms around me. Tell me that you are sorry and that you are here for me if I want to talk. Don't try to fix things or give advice. Just be ready to listen. I will need to tell my story over and over again. Please listen and listen some more. Please ask about my husband because he is hurting too. He just hides his grief or shows it in other ways."

Our dear friend wrote, "You two are very precious to me. There is a very special bond with you like we've been family for a long time. It's like you're my peers and at the same time I feel fatherly toward you both. My heart hurts for you both and I already have felt a love for your precious one and feel a loss. I know God loves you guys and has great plans for your life. I will be praying for you guys, for your hearts, for your future. I consider it a great privilege to have shared in your joy and now your sorrow for that is what true family is for."

This has meant so much to me because he shared our loss and he expressed it to us. I will never forget the love and compassion he showed to us. This was a pivotal moment in our healing.